To See Through Blindness.

The man my heart considered a father, Dr. Gerald R. Faloona, has passed away. I have felt such a surge of sadness pressing into my heart and through my body. I feel lost, emotionally. He was a role model to me, a kind loving and strong man. He was so non traditional, at one part of his life he was among those who could be considered for a Nobel prize for his biological research, at another he carried a plate through the food line at the Salvation army. Exploring the ends to which life could go was his path and he did. Perhaps now he is just exploring what it is not to live?

He opened his life, family and love for me as no other Man had ever done. He respectfully expressed a guiding opinion as if each one, a gift of comfort and ease my journey through life. He smiled like no other man could smile, so young in form like  that of a boy, pure and innocent. His kind and wise eyes could drive the room to deeper existence, whether comfortable or not he took us there. I believe he knew this was his power in life.

He loved me where my biological father never did. When I arrived or left he held me in a hugging embrace where my biological father never could. When he shook my hand it felt like he was settling a deal where I was now considered loved in the eyes of Godís pure love in exchange for just being. Was he God's agent? He joked and played with me as a pal, a comrade, a drinking bud (even though I never would drink with him) with respect for me as a human and part of his earthly family of Homo Sapiens.

Science was his filter for seeing the world. This we shared before we ever met and allowed us a common language. Though I know science never , never separated him from the spirit of living and family. He walked through life as a scientist, yet under such clothing was a man questing the true spirit of our purpose here. Once he gave me his Ph.D. diploma. He covered up his name and put mine. In this one silly and playful act he gave me all the acknowledgment I would ever need from an authority.

My heart now aches needing ground to be on where there is now only memories.

Love is so blind. It can not see gender, race, age, profession, and all adjectives and forms our frail human mind can come up with as a separator between us and the reality of connectivity between all things. Sometimes I feel my heart was ignored by Love when I was a child, so I have a hard reaction to receiving love. The freedom to give Love is where I feel most comfortable. With Gerry I could loosen the hardness for Love to flow in. He helped balance me. He was blind to many things in life only because he was so full of Love.

Selemat Hintu dan Jiwa, Selemat Jalan, Bapak Gerry! (Blessings on your spirit and soul, Blessings on your Journey, Father Gerry)

I only pray that I may be so blind.
-russ